I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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