but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
