So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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