i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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