oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
