Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
