Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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