I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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