i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
