this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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