I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
