so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want her autograph on my taint
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
