Can i not drive my cunt home
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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