Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
whose parrot is this?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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