Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
