yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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