He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
