carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
