He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My liver just had a heart attack.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
