Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
