after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
