Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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