her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't notice because vodka
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
