I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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