apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Drunk is not a location!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
