it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
