i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
