i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
