She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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