You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
