The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
