You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
