so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
