Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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