my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
