this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
