I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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