I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
