If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
