She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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