mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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