He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
