i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
