Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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