This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
