I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
