tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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