the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
