You're my little dorito
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
