Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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