i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
