i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
