dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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