I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
