Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So much rum. So many feels.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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