Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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