She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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