i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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